Life As Defined By Lily and James
by Carnal Coffee Bean Catastrophe
Summary: -A collection of one-shots centered on Lily and James after graduating Hogwarts.
1. What's in a Name

o.O.o

"Lily!"

"No."

"But, Lily!"

"_No, James!_"

James pouted. "But why not?" he whined, sending pleading eyes towards his wife.

"Because, James," Lily sighed, "We already decided."

"No, we didn't!"

"Yes, we did."

"Well, I don't remember!"

"Yes, you do."

"Well, so what? That doesn't mean anything. I changed my mind!" James huffed and crossed his arms.

"Nope. Not happening. You agreed."

"But I changed my mind!"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "And exactly how many hours of labor did you go through?" she inquired.

"Hey! Without me, he wouldn't be here."

"You don't see me trying to name him "Lily", do you?"

"Well, no," James adjusted his glasses. "That'd be ridiculous. Not to mention, he'd be teased the rest of his life."

"Exactly."

"What's ridiculous about the name James?"

"You're not naming the child after yourself, James."

"It's a nice name!"

"Yes," she agreed as she tugged him down towards the bed for a kiss. "It's a very nice name. But," she smiled against his lips, "there's no way I'm putting up with your narcissism a second time around."

"Just because he's named after me doesn't mean he'll- I'M NOT NARCISSISTIC!"

Lily leaned back against the bed and laughed loudly. "Of course you're not," she soothed placatingly. James frowned.

"Do you really think I'm narcissistic?"

"What are you trying to name our child again?"

"Plenty of people name their children after themselves!"

"There's not exactly a dearth of narcissistic people out there, James."

"I'm not narcissistic. I just happen to like my name."

"Oh, really? So what are you going to call him?"

"James, of course."

"Really? Could get confusing."

"Well…" he hemmed. "I might have been thinking of calling him Junior… Just to make it easier on him!" he stammered, alarmed, and gently pushed her against bed as Lily tried to sit up. "No strenuous activity, Lily-kins- Healer's orders," he added firmly.

"I am perfectly capable of sitting up," Lily huffed as she batted James' hands away, "and if you think _any _son of mine is going to be called J_unior, EVER_, buddy," she grabbed his shirt and pulled him down, so that he was eye level with her, "you have another think coming."

James' shock turned into amusement as he grinned, eyes crinkling, and kissed her swiftly. "All right then," he compromised, "no Juniors around here."

She gazed suspiciously at him, clearly waiting for the rest. James didn't disappoint. He grabbed her and cuddled her close.

"Just Lily and the two amazing Jameses," he promised. She bit back a grin and swatted his arm.

"One James is enough to put up with, thank you very much."

James gasped in mock-horror. "Lily! You want to give up our son? How could you?"

"No," she giggled into his shoulder sleepily. "I want him to not have to live in his fathers' shadow."

"Oh. Because I'm such an awesome example of a man, you mean. Just unable to measure up to. Simply amazing."

Lily turned her head and gazed at the basinet.

"I think he's pretty amazing already," she murmured. He turned to look at the basinet as well.

"Yeah," he agreed, voice softening. "He really is, isn't he?" They stared in comfortable silence for a few moments. Then Lily yawned, breaking the silence. James looked back at her; his gaze grew, if possible, more tender. "Go to sleep, Lily. I'll watch over him, ok?"

Lily murmured an incoherent reply into his shirt, then pulled back to look at him seriously.

"If the Healer comes, no naming him until I'm awake." James smiled and pulled her head against his chest, but didn't answer. "I'm serious, James. No naming our child," she yawned, and drifted off to sleep. James looked down at her head, resting underneath his chin, and grinned; thanks to her sleepiness, he had avoided agreeing to her "request".

o.O.o

"_JAMES!"_ The shout reverberated throughout the corridor, rang down two floors, bounced around the corner, shot into the cafeteria, and reached the ears of one suddenly very frightened James Potter. Remus, Sirius, and Peter turned as one and looked at James, who had suddenly gone as white as a sheet. "Gotta go," he choked out, and took off running down the corridor. He sprinted toward the door, and was almost out the door when Lily Potter suddenly appeared in front of him, scowling furiously and brandishing a piece of paper. James backtracked, whirling around and slamming straight into Sirius' chest. Sirius chuckled.

"What'd you do now, Potter?"

"Um…" James' eyes darted around nervously, but every possible way of escape was blocked by amused Marauders. _Some friends_, his brain scoffed, as he turned to face the wrath of the frankly terrifying redhead in the middle of the room.

"See, Lily dear, I didn't think it was that big of a deal-"

"_That big of a deal!_" Lily screeched, eyes wild. "_James Potter, the name of our son is considered a big deal! How could you even __**think **__about- we specifically discussed this! I can't believe-"_

"Now, Lily," James started as he shrank back slightly, "it's not as bad as you're making it out to be. I didn't _name_ him James, see- just his middle name."

Lily swelled with righteous indignation. "_You foul- narcissistic- sorry excuse for a husband!"_ She advanced towards James, who was rather wondering when his life would start flashing before his eyes, and brandished her wand threateningly. Luckily for James, however, a Healer stepped in between the couple.

"Excuse me, miss," she said politely but firmly. "While I don't doubt your husband deserves whatever's coming to him, I'm afraid you're not strong enough for such exertions. Now, if you'll please follow me…" And with that, she grasped Lily's wand-hand with an iron grip and led her off to her room. The piece of paper fell out of Lily's other hand and floated, gently, to the floor. Remus grabbed it and scanned the paper, letting out a guffaw before passing it to Sirius and Peter. James groaned and sank down into the seat behind him, putting his head in his hands.

"She hates me," he moaned into his hands. "She just birthed my child, and already she hates me." He glanced up with bleary eyes towards Remus. "How did this happen?"

"Well," chuckled Sirius as he sat down beside James, slinging a comforting arm around his shoulder, "I'd say it's because you're a melodramatic, narcissistic bastard." He paused to think. "That, and you went ahead and named him without her."

"I didn't think she'd take it this bad!" James moaned. "What am I supposed to do now?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Well, since the birth certificate's both a legal and a magical document, it's nigh unchangeable." He heaved himself into the seat across from James. "I'd suggest apologizing. Groveling, maybe." He smirked.

"Why does everyone think it's so damn _funny_?" James glowered, head still hidden in his hands.

Remus, Sirius, and Peter exchanged looks before bursting out laughing. "Because it's so _you_, James," Peter guffawed.

"Well, at least he's got a nice name, anyways…," James muttered before standing. "Well, I'm off to apologize. And possibly grovel." He glanced around at his friends. "If I don't survive, you all are the best mates a guy could ever ask for. And keep little H.J. safe for me, alright? Make sure he's instilled with the proper Marauder spirit…" he sighed, looking balefully at the doors. Sirius and Remus got up and pushed him, as one, towards the doors.

"Go on, you big baby. You'll be fine," Sirius laughed.

"You sure?" James muttered darkly, mentally picturing the murderous look on Lily's face.

"_Yes, James_." Remus sighed. "Now go!" And with that, they pushed him through the swinging doors to meet his doom.

With James finally gone, the three collapsed into laughter once again. They wound down after a few minutes, wiping away tears of mirth from their eyes.

"Harry- James- Potter," Sirius choked out.

"Lily looked about ready to murder him," Peter recounted gleefully.

"Well, it could've been worse," Remus pointed out. "At least he didn't name him James Harry. Can you imagine?"

"Lily would've killed him."

"We'd never get James to shut up about him."

"Ugh- what if he called him Junior?"

"You know he'd love that."

"Poor kid- no one deserves to be called Junior."

Still chuckling intermittently, they pushed open the doors to the pregnancy ward, intent on finding James and saving him from the clutches of his fiery-tempered wife.

o.O.o

_A/N- Hey, all! Hope you enjoyed. Although this is, as you can tell, a Lily/James one-shot, it's in a bit of a different era than my other collection of Lily/James one-shots. So, I decided to start another collection, for Lily and James after they've graduated Hogwarts. It seemed easier and less confusing. As usual (not that it's changing anytime soon), I own nothing Potter-verse-wise. Reviews are greatly appreciated!_


	2. To Waddle, or Not to Waddle

o.O.o

"I'm going to waddle."

"…pardon?" James put down the paper to look questioningly up at his wife, who stood in front of him, arms crossed and glaring at her husband.

"I'm going to waddle," she repeated firmly, sticking her bottom lip out in a pout that James secretly found adorable.

"…why?" James furrowed his brow in thought, trying to guess at the hidden message behind the words. Sirius had told him that birds never meant what they said- however, none of Sirius' tips or tricks had ever worked on Lily before. He was seriously starting to doubt Sirius' methodology on women.

"Because I'm pregnant, James!" she shouted, her face beginning to grow red. "I'm pregnant, and I'm going to get fat, and my feet are going to swell, and oh, Merlin, I might get stretch marks, and all of these awful things are going to happen to my body, and I'm already spewing chunks like a fountain…" she sat down and buried her head into the crook of James' neck. "And I just really don't want to waddle," she finished quietly, her voice muffled.

James laughed and slung his arms around her, engulfing her in a hug. "That's all? No concern about the pain of childbirth, or concern for our amazing baby, or anything about him?" She groaned and repeatedly banged her head against James' chest. He pulled her closer and tucked her head under his chin. "Would you stop that?" he asked amusedly, as she continued to beat her head against him.

"No," she muttered. He grabbed her chin, lifted her head, and kissed her deeply, slowly, passionately.

"Now that I've got your attention," he laughed, as her eyes drifted dazedly open. She glared at him, but he held up a hand. "Lily-love, you think I could talk for a second?" Amused eyes glinted down at her. She stared at him for a second, considering, then settled back into him with a huff.

"Alright, James, ten seconds."

"Wow, a whole ten seconds! I only asked for one, you kn-"

"_Get on with it, James."_ She poked him viciously in the ribs. He jumped and let out a noise of surprise that, though high-pitched, was most definitely not a shriek, because Potter men didn't shriek. As he reminded her often, or whenever her nails were involved. She smirked at him, and he whimpered in as manly a tone as possible, clutching his ribs.

"Ok, ok…" he muttered, ignoring her look of sadistic glee and making a mental note, for the five-thousandth time, to _not play with Lily when she was irritated_. "You're concerned about… waddling?" he questioned- it made no sense to him. "Why is that a big deal?"

"Because," Lily sighed and leaned her head back on his shoulder. "It's not attractive, and I know I'm not supposed to be that shallow as to _care_ about something as stupid as looks, what with everything else going on- I mean, there's a war, for crying out loud!- but… it's just… waddling." She crinkled her nose in disgust. "I don't waddle. I've never waddled. It's not me. And now I'm going to have to, and it's so stupid, and I shouldn't even be talking about it, but since it _is_ you that caused me my future waddling…" her voice trailed off.

James, who had been playing absent-mindedly with a piece of her hair while she was talking, smirked. "Yeah," he said smugly. "I did, didn't I?" She whacked his arm lightly, and he laughed and snuggled her closer. "In response…" he murmured, closing his eyes. "You are going to be attractive to me no matter how much you waddle. You are carrying my son. You've always been gorgeous to me, Lily, you know that. That's not going to change because you're carrying my son. You're carrying my son," he repeated, grinning.

"You better get sick and tired of that phrase soon," Lily muttered.

"Nah, I don't think I will, somehow," he cocked his head playfully. "You're carrying my son, you're carrying my son… Lily Evans Potter is carrying my son…" he sing-songed to her, laughing as she swatted him. "Again with the violence! I think your hormones are making you more vicious, Lily dear," he teased.

"Nah," she replied. "You just deserve to be hit more these days."

"Oh, how the woman lies!" James cried out dramatically. "I would never do anything to deserve such abuse!"

Lily giggled and hit him with the pillow again. He fell back sideways onto the couch, and she clambered onto him, swinging her preferred weapon at her husband. He reached up to tickle her, and she shrieked in laughter as his hands found her sensitive stomach. James grabbed her and carefully flipped them. Lily let out a few lingering giggles before realizing their changed positions. She glanced up. Behind round-framed glasses, James stared at her tenderly, then leaned down to press a soft kiss to her forehead.

"You. Are. Beautiful. Lily-Flower," he whispered, punctuating each word with a kiss. "Even when you're throwing pillows at me, or shrieking at me like some banshee, or when you're flustered or unsure or mad. I even kinda like how you look when you're naked and screaming my name," he leered at her, and she rolled her eyes, blushing. "You will look beautiful when you're old and wrinkled, because you're you. And you will look beautiful when you're _carrying my son_," he grinned, "because you're you. When you're fat and waddling and hormonal and crying all over the place-"she smacked him at that, but he ignored it and continued, "-you will be more beautiful than ever, to me. I love you, and there is nothing that will ever make you unattractive to me. Even waddling."

She glanced back up at him, shy, then shook her head. "You really think you're smooth, don't you?"

He smirked. "Might I remind you, Lily-love," he settled down beside her and curled her into his body, "who exactly is carrying my child?"

"Doesn't mean you're smooth."

"You fell for it."

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did."

"No, I fell for your other charms."

"Oooh, do tell."

"I think I'd rather not stroke your ego today."

"There are _other_ things you can stroke, you know."

Lily craned her head to send him a flat look. "Twenty years old, and you still think like a thirteen-year-old boy…" she muttered, and went to sit up. James laughed and pulled her back down.

"You love me," he smiled against her neck.

"I'm pretty sure you've been sneaking love potions into my drinks ever since Sixth year."

"You can't prove anything."

"I knew it."

"Ah, but you're all mine now, Lily dear. There's not a thing you can do about it." He kissed the back of her neck, then nuzzled it with his nose contentedly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" she murmured, arching her neck as James lavished attention onto it.

"Especially since," he grinned, lightly biting her neck and making her gasp, "you are _carrying my child…_"

The pillow came flying at him from out of nowhere.

Lily sat up, glanced back at the man splayed contentedly over the length of the entire couch, and rolled her eyes. "I'm getting food," she got to her feet. "Do you want anything?"

James sent her a flat look. "The last thing you made was a peanut-butter and pickle sandwich. With fried mushrooms. And ice cream."

"The ice cream was on the side!" She defended herself quickly.

"You put the mushrooms on top of it."

"So?"

"I think I'll fend for myself."

Lily walked off towards their kitchen in a huff, and James laid back and grinned. Life with his fiery little wife was always interesting… _Waddling, honestly,_ he thought. _Where do chicks get these ideas?_

o.O.o

_-Hey, all! So, this is the latest in my L/J collections. I had fun. Hope you did, too! I like pregnant Lily. She's more open with her emotions (curse you, hormones), which gives James a chance to be more sweet. Which, I think, we all like. As per usual, I own nothing. Not even a pen. Ok, maybe a pen. But all things Potter-verse are, sadly, not mine, but JKR's. Thanks to all the wonderful reviewers- you guys are the bestbestbest!_


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